My Birth Stories
Alice
Back in 2016 I was expecting my first child, a girl. Like any first time expectant mum I was happy, excited and in awe of how my body was changing every week. I was also ever so slightly anxious about the impending birth. Labour was going to be painful, right? That’s the main message I’d grown up hearing. I’d been lucky enough never to have suffered from any illness or chronic pain – I’d never even had to go to a hospital before. What if I had a really low pain threshold?
I treated my pregnancy and birth like it was the biggest exam of my life. I felt that the more I read and educated myself about it, the more prepared I would be to have my best possible birth experience. One thing kept cropping up, across every book, website and TV programme about birth that I could get my hands on – ‘Hypnobirthing’. It seemed too good to be true – a course that helped you enjoy a more positive, calm and natural birth experience. I was willing to give anything that might help a go, so I bought the KG Hypnobirthing book and downloaded some relaxing Hypnobirthing audio tracks, which I listened to every evening.
I loved that as my due date approached, I found myself getting less anxious and more and more excited about meeting my baby. I felt incredibly calm, relaxed and serene – and had every confidence that whatever happened, I was going to have a great birth. I indulged every evening in some precious ‘me’ time, enjoying a warm bath with lavender oil, gently stretching with some pregnancy-friendly yoga moves and unwinding by listening to the Hypnobirthing tracks as I fell into a deep sleep every night. So many of my pregnant friends were stressed and suffering from insomnia in those last few weeks, but I only ever heard about 30 seconds of the audio track before I fell asleep!
In the days before my due date I would wake early with what felt like slight period cramps, twinges and ‘tightenings’ – the beginnings of what felt like contractions. I was so excited that this could be it! I’d head downstairs and bounce gently on my birthing ball, thinking that I would be meeting my gorgeous baby very soon. For two days these twinges only lasted around an hour and then stopped. The following day, a sunny Saturday, my parents had come to visit as my husband was at work. We decided to head to a garden centre to select some plants for my garden. This time, the twinges didn’t stop. They were incredibly faint, irregular and, to begin with, were only coming every 30/40 minutes or so. I convinced myself it was still too early, or that these were just Braxton Hicks. I was still hoping for at least another week of maternity leave to relax and enjoy some downtime.
We had a lovely day, and I realised by the afternoon that the twinges were a little bit more noticeable. Every time one came, I’d pause and smile to myself, thinking about the incredible job my body had been doing for the last nine months, and how close I was now to giving birth. In the car on the way home at about 4pm, out of curiosity, I started to time the surges. I was surprised to find that, although still irregular, some of them were coming every seven minutes and lasting up to 40 seconds. It definitely hadn’t felt that long without a timer! The period-like cramps were getting a little bit stronger too, so we stopped off at Boots to pick up a hot water bottle for me to use at home. I still didn’t really think that this was labour. Once back home, we had a cup of tea in the garden, and after my husband got home and my parents left, I decided to go and have a relaxing bath.
I used some lavender oil and put on some lovely, relaxing music. While in the bath I got onto my hands and knees and stretched out my back. It felt lovely and I couldn’t feel the crampiness. After I got out, I sat on the loo and noticed a rather slimy discharge – my show! I was so excited, although again I knew that this could appear up to a week before labour. Again, I convinced myself that I still had a while to go before I would be in labour. Downstairs my husband had cooked dinner and I sat on my birthing ball to watch TV.
By now the surges were definitely stronger, but I certainly wouldn’t describe them as painful. I thought I might as well put my TENS machine on, just in case this was the start of something, as I knew you had to wear it fairly early on to get the endorphins flowing. I started using the ‘up breathing’ technique as each contraction came, and at 8pm I decided to start timing my surges again. For an hour I stared in disbelief as the app I was using told me my surges were lasting 40 seconds and coming every three minutes. The message read: “It’s time to go to the hospital!”. I was convinced there was something wrong with the app. Surely this couldn’t be it? I felt absolutely fine, but was now having to stop each time a surge arrived. I also had to stop eating my dinner as I couldn’t focus on anything other than each surge. Instinctively I moved onto my knees, my head resting in my husbands lap, while he stroked my neck, asking if I felt ok. By now I was starting to make quite a low, guttural, mooing noise each time a contraction came, and found myself apologising as soon as it had stopped. It seemed to help me focus through each surge but I didn't want to be noisy in labour! It was a bit embarrassing but it was so instinctive - I couldn’t stop it! My husband told me not to worry, everything was fine and asked if I thought it was time to go to the hospital? I still felt fine, and that it was too early. I started to feel a bit anxious that if we went now the hospital would tell me that I wasn’t in labour yet and send me home. I felt that if they did that, my confidence would be knocked and I’d start thinking I wouldn’t cope when real labour did actually start.
My husband started to pack bags into the car and, watching me as the surges got stronger and stronger, started to get a bit insistent that we leave. To kill time I went upstairs to try and find some clothes and shoes to wear as I was still in my pjs! In my bedroom I suddenly felt incredibly hot. The surges were coming thick and fast by this point, and it was starting to get harder to breathe through them. With the next one came a strong sensation of wanting to push in my bottom. I started to panic a little, and decided that I did now want to get to the hospital! Maybe this was it? Looking back now, I wonder if my doubts and insecurities, as well as my sudden rise in temperature, were part of transition, and I was a lot closer to giving birth at home than I thought! I made it back downstairs, still in my pjs with just my flip-flops on. My husband had packed the car, and I was making really loud ‘mooing’ noises with each new contraction. Apparently the cat took one look at me and darted for the door!
Outside in the cool April air, I stopped to breathe through another contraction, while my husband called the labour ward to let them know we were coming. I don’t remember much of the 20 minute car trip but I was starting to panic a bit as we arrived at the hospital, which was having an impact on my contractions and my ability to manage them. I was still concerned that, on arrival, I’d be told that it was far too early. That I’d be sent home. I no longer felt in control and in my panic, it was starting to hurt. My breathing was short and shallow, my muscles were tense, adrenaline was flooding my body and my previously calm, relaxed manner had been replaced with slight hysteria. I was also worried about making a scene when we arrived. I didn’t want anyone to see me like this, as I couldn’t control when the next contraction would come. We pulled up outside the main entrance and I wanted to wait until I’d had another surge, because I knew that would give me three minutes or so to get inside where I would feel safer and unobserved.
My husband helped me in and the receptionist could obviously tell I was in labour as she immediately opened the labour ward door and indicated for us to go in. I was in a bit of a state by this point. Blind panic had set in as I somehow stumbled into the room the midwife directed us to, and I fell on the bed as the next contraction hit, crying in pain. The midwife introduced herself as Jo, and came round to face me. Calmly but sternly she told me to take deeper breaths, reassuring me that I was ok. She told me that they would assess me to see how far along I was. I calmed down enough for her to ask me if I could try and give them a urine sample. My husband helped me into the nearest toilet cubicle. I was feeling very sorry for myself by this point! Unable to provide a sample I hobbled back where they asked me to lie on the bed for an examination that I agreed to. It seemed to take a long time, but as soon as the midwife told me, “Oh, baby is very low, she’s right there. You’re 7cm dilated” it was as if a lightbulb had been switched on in my head. Instantly my self-confidence was restored, and all my Hypnobirthing knowledge came flooding back to me. I knew, without any doubt, that I could do this. Suddenly I was smiling again, as they made plans to find me a delivery room. As I was helped off the bed and onto a wheelchair, my waters broke in a gush. I wasn’t sure at the time if it was my waters or if I’d just wet myself, but by this point I did not care! I just wanted to get into my room, get on the gas and air and meet my baby!
Once in our room, I clambered up onto the bed, kneeling with my head over the headboard. I still had my TENS machine attached and it was really helping me to feel like I was in control as each contraction arrived. They had slowed down a bit since my arrival, but given my panic and fear it was understandable that things had started to stall. I’d requested to use the birth pool on my birth plan, but in order to climb in, I’d need to take off the TENS machine and I really didn’t want to risk doing that and struggling with the intensity of the next contraction. So I decided to just stick with my current position, as I felt so comfortable. I remember my husband asking if I wanted to listen to my Hypnobirthing tracks, but because we’d left in such a rush I hadn’t thought about downloading them onto my kindle. I waved him off – I needed to keep my focus, and I felt really comfortable in my own bubble, in a good position with the gas and air. It didn’t make me feel particularly woozy but I found it amazing at helping me to breathe deeply. As I took longer, deeper breaths, I could feel my body relaxing again, and with my renewed confidence I felt much happier and excited again. The pain I’d felt before slipped away and although the contractions were powerful and intense, I felt comfortable. We’d arrived in the delivery room at 11pm and I remember wondering if I was going to meet my baby that day, or the next.
In between contractions I remember chatting happily with my husband and the midwives and drinking tea. At one point I inhaled a bit too much gas and air and was sick. The midwives wanted me to change out of my pjs into a clean gown but I was really comfortable and didn’t want to move or change anything. They were insistent though, so I pretty much jumped off the bed, striped naked and threw the hospital robe on as quickly as possible. You quickly lose any sense of inhibition in labour!
By 12:30am I was starting to feel a similar urge to push in my bottom. The midwives asked if anything had changed, and told me to go with it! Again, it felt different and powerful and intense but I wouldn’t have called it painful. I was spurred on by pure excitement about finally meeting my baby, especially as my husband reminded me that it wouldn’t be long now. Jo told me that she’d pop out quickly just to make a cup of tea as she hadn’t had a break and she knew that baby wasn’t far off, leaving us with a second midwife who had arrived. Five minutes later Jo had to be called back as baby was coming quicker than expected!
For some reason, baby’s heart rate started to dip, and the midwives explained that baby’s head was just getting a little bit stuck. The alarm buzzer was pushed, and the room almost instantly filled with people. I remember still feeling incredibly calm, not panicked by this development (although my husband was terrified!). I was asked to lie down, with my knees raised. I was informed that they felt it best for me to have an episiotomy, which I consented to. I don’t remember feeling any pain as it was carried out. I do remember very clearly a female obstetrician leaning in closely to me and saying "I know you’re in a lot of pain right now, but we really need to get this baby out with the next contraction”. My one resounding thought was, “Pain? What pain?”, as again, I genuinely still felt quite comfortable and calm.
With the next contraction I pushed as hard as I could, and baby slipped out. I remember the midwife holding her up towards me for skin-to-skin and the bright light of the room creating a glow behind her. The baby was quiet and calm, and then she sneezed! She was here!
Alice Sophie Hargrave, 6lb 0.5oz, arrived at 00:50am on Sunday 24th April 2016.
Alice
Back in 2016 I was expecting my first child, a girl. Like any first time expectant mum I was happy, excited and in awe of how my body was changing every week. I was also ever so slightly anxious about the impending birth. Labour was going to be painful, right? That’s the main message I’d grown up hearing. I’d been lucky enough never to have suffered from any illness or chronic pain – I’d never even had to go to a hospital before. What if I had a really low pain threshold?
I treated my pregnancy and birth like it was the biggest exam of my life. I felt that the more I read and educated myself about it, the more prepared I would be to have my best possible birth experience. One thing kept cropping up, across every book, website and TV programme about birth that I could get my hands on – ‘Hypnobirthing’. It seemed too good to be true – a course that helped you enjoy a more positive, calm and natural birth experience. I was willing to give anything that might help a go, so I bought the KG Hypnobirthing book and downloaded some relaxing Hypnobirthing audio tracks, which I listened to every evening.
I loved that as my due date approached, I found myself getting less anxious and more and more excited about meeting my baby. I felt incredibly calm, relaxed and serene – and had every confidence that whatever happened, I was going to have a great birth. I indulged every evening in some precious ‘me’ time, enjoying a warm bath with lavender oil, gently stretching with some pregnancy-friendly yoga moves and unwinding by listening to the Hypnobirthing tracks as I fell into a deep sleep every night. So many of my pregnant friends were stressed and suffering from insomnia in those last few weeks, but I only ever heard about 30 seconds of the audio track before I fell asleep!
In the days before my due date I would wake early with what felt like slight period cramps, twinges and ‘tightenings’ – the beginnings of what felt like contractions. I was so excited that this could be it! I’d head downstairs and bounce gently on my birthing ball, thinking that I would be meeting my gorgeous baby very soon. For two days these twinges only lasted around an hour and then stopped. The following day, a sunny Saturday, my parents had come to visit as my husband was at work. We decided to head to a garden centre to select some plants for my garden. This time, the twinges didn’t stop. They were incredibly faint, irregular and, to begin with, were only coming every 30/40 minutes or so. I convinced myself it was still too early, or that these were just Braxton Hicks. I was still hoping for at least another week of maternity leave to relax and enjoy some downtime.
We had a lovely day, and I realised by the afternoon that the twinges were a little bit more noticeable. Every time one came, I’d pause and smile to myself, thinking about the incredible job my body had been doing for the last nine months, and how close I was now to giving birth. In the car on the way home at about 4pm, out of curiosity, I started to time the surges. I was surprised to find that, although still irregular, some of them were coming every seven minutes and lasting up to 40 seconds. It definitely hadn’t felt that long without a timer! The period-like cramps were getting a little bit stronger too, so we stopped off at Boots to pick up a hot water bottle for me to use at home. I still didn’t really think that this was labour. Once back home, we had a cup of tea in the garden, and after my husband got home and my parents left, I decided to go and have a relaxing bath.
I used some lavender oil and put on some lovely, relaxing music. While in the bath I got onto my hands and knees and stretched out my back. It felt lovely and I couldn’t feel the crampiness. After I got out, I sat on the loo and noticed a rather slimy discharge – my show! I was so excited, although again I knew that this could appear up to a week before labour. Again, I convinced myself that I still had a while to go before I would be in labour. Downstairs my husband had cooked dinner and I sat on my birthing ball to watch TV.
By now the surges were definitely stronger, but I certainly wouldn’t describe them as painful. I thought I might as well put my TENS machine on, just in case this was the start of something, as I knew you had to wear it fairly early on to get the endorphins flowing. I started using the ‘up breathing’ technique as each contraction came, and at 8pm I decided to start timing my surges again. For an hour I stared in disbelief as the app I was using told me my surges were lasting 40 seconds and coming every three minutes. The message read: “It’s time to go to the hospital!”. I was convinced there was something wrong with the app. Surely this couldn’t be it? I felt absolutely fine, but was now having to stop each time a surge arrived. I also had to stop eating my dinner as I couldn’t focus on anything other than each surge. Instinctively I moved onto my knees, my head resting in my husbands lap, while he stroked my neck, asking if I felt ok. By now I was starting to make quite a low, guttural, mooing noise each time a contraction came, and found myself apologising as soon as it had stopped. It seemed to help me focus through each surge but I didn't want to be noisy in labour! It was a bit embarrassing but it was so instinctive - I couldn’t stop it! My husband told me not to worry, everything was fine and asked if I thought it was time to go to the hospital? I still felt fine, and that it was too early. I started to feel a bit anxious that if we went now the hospital would tell me that I wasn’t in labour yet and send me home. I felt that if they did that, my confidence would be knocked and I’d start thinking I wouldn’t cope when real labour did actually start.
My husband started to pack bags into the car and, watching me as the surges got stronger and stronger, started to get a bit insistent that we leave. To kill time I went upstairs to try and find some clothes and shoes to wear as I was still in my pjs! In my bedroom I suddenly felt incredibly hot. The surges were coming thick and fast by this point, and it was starting to get harder to breathe through them. With the next one came a strong sensation of wanting to push in my bottom. I started to panic a little, and decided that I did now want to get to the hospital! Maybe this was it? Looking back now, I wonder if my doubts and insecurities, as well as my sudden rise in temperature, were part of transition, and I was a lot closer to giving birth at home than I thought! I made it back downstairs, still in my pjs with just my flip-flops on. My husband had packed the car, and I was making really loud ‘mooing’ noises with each new contraction. Apparently the cat took one look at me and darted for the door!
Outside in the cool April air, I stopped to breathe through another contraction, while my husband called the labour ward to let them know we were coming. I don’t remember much of the 20 minute car trip but I was starting to panic a bit as we arrived at the hospital, which was having an impact on my contractions and my ability to manage them. I was still concerned that, on arrival, I’d be told that it was far too early. That I’d be sent home. I no longer felt in control and in my panic, it was starting to hurt. My breathing was short and shallow, my muscles were tense, adrenaline was flooding my body and my previously calm, relaxed manner had been replaced with slight hysteria. I was also worried about making a scene when we arrived. I didn’t want anyone to see me like this, as I couldn’t control when the next contraction would come. We pulled up outside the main entrance and I wanted to wait until I’d had another surge, because I knew that would give me three minutes or so to get inside where I would feel safer and unobserved.
My husband helped me in and the receptionist could obviously tell I was in labour as she immediately opened the labour ward door and indicated for us to go in. I was in a bit of a state by this point. Blind panic had set in as I somehow stumbled into the room the midwife directed us to, and I fell on the bed as the next contraction hit, crying in pain. The midwife introduced herself as Jo, and came round to face me. Calmly but sternly she told me to take deeper breaths, reassuring me that I was ok. She told me that they would assess me to see how far along I was. I calmed down enough for her to ask me if I could try and give them a urine sample. My husband helped me into the nearest toilet cubicle. I was feeling very sorry for myself by this point! Unable to provide a sample I hobbled back where they asked me to lie on the bed for an examination that I agreed to. It seemed to take a long time, but as soon as the midwife told me, “Oh, baby is very low, she’s right there. You’re 7cm dilated” it was as if a lightbulb had been switched on in my head. Instantly my self-confidence was restored, and all my Hypnobirthing knowledge came flooding back to me. I knew, without any doubt, that I could do this. Suddenly I was smiling again, as they made plans to find me a delivery room. As I was helped off the bed and onto a wheelchair, my waters broke in a gush. I wasn’t sure at the time if it was my waters or if I’d just wet myself, but by this point I did not care! I just wanted to get into my room, get on the gas and air and meet my baby!
Once in our room, I clambered up onto the bed, kneeling with my head over the headboard. I still had my TENS machine attached and it was really helping me to feel like I was in control as each contraction arrived. They had slowed down a bit since my arrival, but given my panic and fear it was understandable that things had started to stall. I’d requested to use the birth pool on my birth plan, but in order to climb in, I’d need to take off the TENS machine and I really didn’t want to risk doing that and struggling with the intensity of the next contraction. So I decided to just stick with my current position, as I felt so comfortable. I remember my husband asking if I wanted to listen to my Hypnobirthing tracks, but because we’d left in such a rush I hadn’t thought about downloading them onto my kindle. I waved him off – I needed to keep my focus, and I felt really comfortable in my own bubble, in a good position with the gas and air. It didn’t make me feel particularly woozy but I found it amazing at helping me to breathe deeply. As I took longer, deeper breaths, I could feel my body relaxing again, and with my renewed confidence I felt much happier and excited again. The pain I’d felt before slipped away and although the contractions were powerful and intense, I felt comfortable. We’d arrived in the delivery room at 11pm and I remember wondering if I was going to meet my baby that day, or the next.
In between contractions I remember chatting happily with my husband and the midwives and drinking tea. At one point I inhaled a bit too much gas and air and was sick. The midwives wanted me to change out of my pjs into a clean gown but I was really comfortable and didn’t want to move or change anything. They were insistent though, so I pretty much jumped off the bed, striped naked and threw the hospital robe on as quickly as possible. You quickly lose any sense of inhibition in labour!
By 12:30am I was starting to feel a similar urge to push in my bottom. The midwives asked if anything had changed, and told me to go with it! Again, it felt different and powerful and intense but I wouldn’t have called it painful. I was spurred on by pure excitement about finally meeting my baby, especially as my husband reminded me that it wouldn’t be long now. Jo told me that she’d pop out quickly just to make a cup of tea as she hadn’t had a break and she knew that baby wasn’t far off, leaving us with a second midwife who had arrived. Five minutes later Jo had to be called back as baby was coming quicker than expected!
For some reason, baby’s heart rate started to dip, and the midwives explained that baby’s head was just getting a little bit stuck. The alarm buzzer was pushed, and the room almost instantly filled with people. I remember still feeling incredibly calm, not panicked by this development (although my husband was terrified!). I was asked to lie down, with my knees raised. I was informed that they felt it best for me to have an episiotomy, which I consented to. I don’t remember feeling any pain as it was carried out. I do remember very clearly a female obstetrician leaning in closely to me and saying "I know you’re in a lot of pain right now, but we really need to get this baby out with the next contraction”. My one resounding thought was, “Pain? What pain?”, as again, I genuinely still felt quite comfortable and calm.
With the next contraction I pushed as hard as I could, and baby slipped out. I remember the midwife holding her up towards me for skin-to-skin and the bright light of the room creating a glow behind her. The baby was quiet and calm, and then she sneezed! She was here!
Alice Sophie Hargrave, 6lb 0.5oz, arrived at 00:50am on Sunday 24th April 2016.
Wilfred
Roll on two years, and I was pregnant with baby number two. Since having Alice I’d decided to train as a Hypnobirthing practitioner. I had no doubt in my mind that my amazing birth experience with Alice had been largely down to Hypnobirthing. I
could totally understand how my panic and anxiety at leaving to go to the hospital had affected my calm birthing experience and made the contractions painful. I was grateful that the knowledge and techniques I’d learnt meant that, once I was reassured I was in active labour, I’d been able to return to a calm, relaxed state and take control of my birth. I’d had the privilege of teaching several couples the same techniques and they had all, despite very different births, had positive experiences.
When I went for my 20 week scan, I had a meeting with a consultant. I was informed that, as Alice had been born at a small weight, I would be monitored more closely during this pregnancy and would need four additional growth scans. I was surprised by this. At no point before, during or after Alice’s birth had anyone expressed concern at her size. I had been allowed to leave the hospital the same
day I’d given birth to her too. I was also a bit wary about having so many additional scans, in case they had an effect on baby. After speaking with my midwife (also a KG Hypnobirthing practitioner and someone I trusted) I agreed to these scans thinking that if the first indicated all was well with baby, I could cancel the rest.
At the first, all was fine, but when I asked about cancelling the next one was given a response along the lines of “the computer says you’re booked in again, so we’ll see you on that date”. I left feeling a bit frustrated. It felt like a waste of everyone’s time as everything was clearly absolutely fine with baby. At the second scan, there was an indication that baby’s tummy measurements were too big, and I was then booked in for an additional test for gestational diabetes (so baby was either too small, or too big!?!). From early on, baby seemed to prefer to be feet down too, so ‘BREECH’ was written in capitals on my notes. I knew that it was too early for this to be baby’s final position so I was able to ignore it, but I wondered how many women would see something similar on their notes and immediately panic. Speaking to my midwife she also reassured me that, if I were to end up with a baby in breech position, she would support me in a natural delivery, if that's what I wanted. Each time I went into hospital for a scan or test it felt as if the consultants were able to find more things that could potentially be wrong with baby. Instinctively, I felt that everything was absolutely fine.
My final growth scan was scheduled three weeks before my due date. This felt like the final hurdle before I would be allowed to have my baby as planned – spontaneously and naturally, as Alice had arrived. In the end, we were at the hospital for almost five hours. The consultant arrived to go through the results from my scan. Baby’s weight – which had been above average – had taken a dip since my last scan. I was informed that due to the risk of stillbirth, they didn’t want me to go any longer than 38 weeks and that they wanted to book me in for an induction the following week. I was shocked and couldn’t believe this was happening! This was the absolute worst piece of news for me – I felt my opportunity to experience another wonderful, natural birth was being taken away from me. I was fully aware that induced births are recognised as being more painful, intense and medicalised. My biggest fear was of not being in control during my labour, not knowing how my body would react to the artificial hormones used in induction. I was also convinced that everything was ok with my baby. There were no other indications that anything was wrong. Before I left the hospital I was hooked up to a machine to monitor baby, and it gave me an anxiety-inducing insight into what my birth was going to be like. I had to lie on the bed while being monitored, and it felt incredibly uncomfortable, even without contractions!
I spent the next week looking at all my options. I sought second opinions from midwives. I asked my friends who had been induced for details of their experiences. I thought about asking for another scan and increased monitoring and to postpone the induction for another week. I thought about asking for a c-section instead. I read as much as I could about inductions and the research surrounding the risks associated with reduced growth. I wanted to be as informed and educated on the subject as I could be.
Despite all my hypnobirthing practice leading up to this point, I found that this news and the threat of induction made me feel incredibly stressed. I’d been so calm, relaxed and excited about my forthcoming birth, but found myself waking early and fretting over what was to come. Having weighed up all my options, and confirmed with my midwife that I could still use the birthing pool and stay as active as possible in labour, I decided to proceed with the induction. I had preiously worked out my due date as being a week earlier than my official, hospital-given due date (baby had measured small at my 12 week scan, and I’d been told I was only 11 weeks along), so as far as I was concerned I was already almost 39 weeks and baby might come on his own before I was induced. I then set about doing everything I could to restore my confidence in my new, induced birth. I listened to the fear release script, letting go of my anxieties surrounding induction. I went for an amazing pregnancy massage, which helped to relax me. Every evening I had a lovely long soak in a lavender-oil infused birth. I bounced on my ball, did lots of squats, and set about getting all of baby’s things ready in anticipation.
By Monday, when I was due at the hospital, I was feeling really happy, although still a little anxious. On arrival at the hospital we were shown to our room. I got changed into some snuggly pjs and we had a cup of tea and biscuits. I was told that at 5pm I’d be given the first pessary, but that labour ward was incredibly busy so we might have to wait a while for any further interventions. I was happy about this, as the longer I had to wait, the more chance baby had to come by choice rather than force!
At 4:30pm the midwife came back to attach me to the monitor so that they could track baby’s behaviour before and after the pessary. Again, I had to lie on the bed for this, at quite an odd angle, which was a bit uncomfortable. The administering of the pessary was only slightly uncomfortable and while I waited for another 30 minutes of monitoring I listened to a Hypnobirthing track to keep me calm and relaxed – and to see if it could help my body release enough into labour! At about 6pm we decided to go and get some dinner, as there were no indications that anything had changed in my body. Back in our room we read books and played a board game – and my husband did a great job of keeping my spirits up with lots of jokes and humour! I knew that if nothing happened, he would have to leave at 9pm, which made me anxious. I was really enjoying his company and if the second pessary kick started my labour at 11pm would he get back in time to support me?
At 9pm, we said goodbye and I told him to make sure he got as much sleep as possible – and to listen out for his phone, just in case! I was still optimistic that the second pessary would be all I needed to go into labour. I watched a funny film on my kindle to distract me and at 10:30pm a new midwife arrived to monitor me again. The second pessary went in just after 11pm and seemed to start something – baby was very active, and I started feeling a few twinges. I started to feel excited – I’d have to call my husband back and this was it! But then it all seemed to die down again. The midwife asked me if I wanted any paracetamol as I could experience quite a bit of pain overnight, but I felt ok so declined (although worried that within a few hours it would really hurt, like she'd said it would!).
Due to the beeping machines and baby cries drifting down the corridor I didn’t get much sleep but in the morning I noticed that I had a bit of period-like cramp. My husband arrived back at 9:30am but as our toddler was suffering from a bad cold he hadn’t had much sleep either! The hospital bathroom had a huge bath in it, so I started the morning with a long soak using my lavender oil, and I played some nice relaxing music. It was bliss – and I started to feel a few light twinges, which again got me excited!
The midwife popped round to say that again, as labour ward was busy, they weren’t sure when I’d be taken down for the next stage of my induction. Without our toddler, it did feel a bit like a holiday. We read books and magazines, played games, had coffee together and a long walk. I walked up and down the stairs and did some squats to encourage labour, but by the afternoon the twinges had stopped. I also spent lots of time listening to my Hypnobirthing tracks, trying to stay as calm and relaxed as possible. I felt like it really helped. Every time I heard feet walking down the corridor I could feel myself tense a little bit. Was this it? Were they coming to take me down to labour ward? Eventually, at around 4pm they came to let me know that it was time. I sent a message to my mum, and with all my bags, went downstairs to our room.
It was strange being back there after having Alice in the same place! We were shown to a large room, and unpacked all the things I knew I’d want to have access to – my birthing ball, my Hypnobirthing tracks and headphones, my lavender oil and my night-dress. Our first midwife came to check in with me about what was going to happen, and to set me up for monitoring. I asked if I could have access to a birthing pool, and was told no. I explained that my community midwife has said it wouldn’t be a problem, and the reasons I got for not being able to use one seemed poor. I got the impression that because they were busy, and I’d been given a room without a pool or bath, it was going to be too tricky to arrange it for me. Sadly with my community midwife away on holiday in Cornwall, I couldn’t reach her to get her to support me. I decided that I could use other coping mechanisms and techniques to get through labour. I was disappointed not to get to use the pool, but I knew that even if I’d been “allowed” to use it, if they were busy there was no guarantee that I’d be able to have access to one anyway. Fortunately when I explained that, while I knew I’d need to be monitored during an induced birth, I wanted to have as active a birth as possible, the midwife was fully supportive of this.
I popped to the bathroom to get changed, and had a quick word with myself in the mirror – I could do this! Back in the delivery room I had a catheter tube inserted into my hand in preparation for the syntocinon drip and my waters were artificially broken. This wasn’t as bad or uncomfortable as I thought it would be, and the device used didn’t have a huge hook on it, as I’d imagined! I tried to relax as much as possible and focused on taking deep breaths. At this stage I was 3cm dilated. I was attached to a monitoring machine and a big screen, but managed to get into a comfortable position on my knees, with my head resting on the pillows and head-board (similar to the position I’d adopted in my labour with Alice). I put on my headphones and listened to my Hypnobirthing tracks. I had two hours until the drip would be administered, but nothing seemed to change and there was no indication of any contractions. After about half an hour I decided I’d rather have a gentle bounce on my ball. My midwife helped me into position, and put a sheet over the ball as I was leaking amniotic fluid everywhere (at one point she had to bring out a mop as a puddle of fluid was slowing running over to where all the expensive machines were sat!). I was feeling upbeat , relaxed and calm.
At 8pm, 2 hours after my waters had been broken, it was time for the drip. Two obstetricians arrived to check over how things had been progressing. I asked if there was any chance of waiting a little longer, but they explained they were keen to get my contractions started as soon as possible and didn’t want me to wait any longer. I consented to the drip. It was started at a low dosage and I was told that it would be increased every 30 minutes until I was having four contractions every ten minutes.
I spent the next four hours calmly bouncing on my ball, listening to my Hypnobirthing audio tracks, and breathing in lavender oil from my flannel. The contractions started soon after 8pm but were fairly gentle and irregular – by about 10pm they were coming every four minutes (still not as quickly as four every ten minutes, which was really frustrating! I’d get two in close succession and then a long gap until the next one, and I let like saying, “I’m not a robot! Maybe my body just can’t do four contractions in precisely ten minutes!"). Up until 12am I felt absolutely great and completely in control. And possibly even a little bit smug. We had the lights turned down low and in-between contractions I rocked gently on my ball, stopping to breathe through them when they started. I could feel them – they were powerful and intense but not painful. I hadn’t had paracetamol or gas and air – I was purely relying on Hypnobirthing techniques and I felt great. I had my headphones in, but my husband (who was sat reading his book for four hours in the corner of the room, glancing over every now and then to check I was ok) told me later that the midwife couldn’t believe how well I was doing – she’d never seen anything like it.
By 12am the contractions started to feel more intense, and I was beginning to feel tired and hungry. I’d tried to eat a few energy snacks and drink a healthy energy drink in between contractions, but was feeling a bit empty. The midwife noticed that baby’s heart-rate was starting to dip during contractions and asked if I could lie on the bed so that she could monitor me a little better for the next few contractions. I was reluctant as I felt so comfortable sat on my ball – I didn’t want to move! But I also wanted to make sure that baby was ok. My husband and midwife helped me up onto the bed. As the contractions were feeling more intense I asked for some gas and air. As the next one arrived I felt so glad I’d asked for the gas and air – lying down made the contractions feel 100 times more intense! I did everything I could to relax my body and breathe deeply, but changing my position to lying on the bed took the force of the contractions to a whole new level! I was really struggling! I was aware that I was biting down on the gas and air nozzle, which meant my jaw was tense. My husband tried to calm me down but I could feel myself starting to get hysterical every time a new contraction arrived. I was having to make a low guttural noise again, at the end of each contraction, which seemed to help. I felt like I was definitely getting close to needing to push. While I was lying down the midwife said that she’d check to see how things were progressing, as it had now been 4 hours since I’d been hooked up to the drip. This, by far, was the real low point of the night. She told me I was "just" 4cm dilated (and I’d been 3cm 6 hours ago!) and that she thought I'd have at least another 4 hour of labours to go.
At this point I was truly exhausted. I felt like I was barely managing to get through each contraction. And lying on the bed was awful! I had also been convinced that I was much further along than the midwife seemed to think I was. I started to feel incredibly hot. I lost it a little bit at this point and, having had a few puffs of gas and air, did get a little sweary according to my husband (woops!). I told the midwife I was going to need an epidural, because I needed a rest. Immediately both she and my husband tried to tell me how amazingly I’d done up until this point. I agreed – I knew I’d done really well, but that was when I’d been in an upright position where I felt more comfortable, and the contractions hadn’t been so strong. There was no way I could handle another four contractions lying on the bed, let alone another four hours of contractions! They both then tried to suggest a small dosage of diamorphine instead, but I just didn’t feel that that would give me the relief I needed. I felt like I wanted a complete break. The midwife told me that it would take 45 minutes to get an epidural, and I may have used a naughty word again!
The next contraction then hit, and I felt the unmistakable urge to push in my bottom. I was confused – surely there was no way I was at that stage yet? The midwife seemed to sense it to, and asked if I had felt a change. I responded with a hesitant yes, expecting her to tell me that it wasn’t time yet and I wasn’t ready to push, but instead she told me to embrace it and go with it, to get on my knees if I felt that would help. I was so relieved to be able to get up off the bed! And relieved to think that things were progressing as I’d instinctively felt they were. Perhaps the rise in temperature and my feelings that I couldn’t go on any longer were part of transition?
It felt so much better in an upright position, on my knees. The next two contractions came and I felt a really strong urge to push. I was still tired, and the midwife encouraged me to push harder as my efforts were a bit half-hearted. It was an incredible feeling – really powerful but no longer painful. I knew I was so close to meeting my baby. I had two contractions in this position and then, as baby’s heart-rate started to dip again, I was asked to get on my back, with my legs raised. I was slightly concerned that we’d have the same situation as with Alice, where her head got a bit stuck. The next contraction came and I pushed as hard as I could. I could feel baby’s head, then torso and then legs pop out and could then see his head! It was such an amazing moment! The relief too, was incredible. Four hours had turned into just over an hour (but had felt more like 20 minutes)! I was also so pleased that I hadn’t had to resort to taking any additional drugs. I would have taken them, as at that moment I knew that I needed some additional help to get me through the rest of my labour. But the fact that baby had surprised us all with a very sudden delivery was fantastic!
Wilfred Richard Matthew Hargrave, 6lb 14oz, arrived at 02:04am on Wednesday 12th September 2018.
Roll on two years, and I was pregnant with baby number two. Since having Alice I’d decided to train as a Hypnobirthing practitioner. I had no doubt in my mind that my amazing birth experience with Alice had been largely down to Hypnobirthing. I
could totally understand how my panic and anxiety at leaving to go to the hospital had affected my calm birthing experience and made the contractions painful. I was grateful that the knowledge and techniques I’d learnt meant that, once I was reassured I was in active labour, I’d been able to return to a calm, relaxed state and take control of my birth. I’d had the privilege of teaching several couples the same techniques and they had all, despite very different births, had positive experiences.
When I went for my 20 week scan, I had a meeting with a consultant. I was informed that, as Alice had been born at a small weight, I would be monitored more closely during this pregnancy and would need four additional growth scans. I was surprised by this. At no point before, during or after Alice’s birth had anyone expressed concern at her size. I had been allowed to leave the hospital the same
day I’d given birth to her too. I was also a bit wary about having so many additional scans, in case they had an effect on baby. After speaking with my midwife (also a KG Hypnobirthing practitioner and someone I trusted) I agreed to these scans thinking that if the first indicated all was well with baby, I could cancel the rest.
At the first, all was fine, but when I asked about cancelling the next one was given a response along the lines of “the computer says you’re booked in again, so we’ll see you on that date”. I left feeling a bit frustrated. It felt like a waste of everyone’s time as everything was clearly absolutely fine with baby. At the second scan, there was an indication that baby’s tummy measurements were too big, and I was then booked in for an additional test for gestational diabetes (so baby was either too small, or too big!?!). From early on, baby seemed to prefer to be feet down too, so ‘BREECH’ was written in capitals on my notes. I knew that it was too early for this to be baby’s final position so I was able to ignore it, but I wondered how many women would see something similar on their notes and immediately panic. Speaking to my midwife she also reassured me that, if I were to end up with a baby in breech position, she would support me in a natural delivery, if that's what I wanted. Each time I went into hospital for a scan or test it felt as if the consultants were able to find more things that could potentially be wrong with baby. Instinctively, I felt that everything was absolutely fine.
My final growth scan was scheduled three weeks before my due date. This felt like the final hurdle before I would be allowed to have my baby as planned – spontaneously and naturally, as Alice had arrived. In the end, we were at the hospital for almost five hours. The consultant arrived to go through the results from my scan. Baby’s weight – which had been above average – had taken a dip since my last scan. I was informed that due to the risk of stillbirth, they didn’t want me to go any longer than 38 weeks and that they wanted to book me in for an induction the following week. I was shocked and couldn’t believe this was happening! This was the absolute worst piece of news for me – I felt my opportunity to experience another wonderful, natural birth was being taken away from me. I was fully aware that induced births are recognised as being more painful, intense and medicalised. My biggest fear was of not being in control during my labour, not knowing how my body would react to the artificial hormones used in induction. I was also convinced that everything was ok with my baby. There were no other indications that anything was wrong. Before I left the hospital I was hooked up to a machine to monitor baby, and it gave me an anxiety-inducing insight into what my birth was going to be like. I had to lie on the bed while being monitored, and it felt incredibly uncomfortable, even without contractions!
I spent the next week looking at all my options. I sought second opinions from midwives. I asked my friends who had been induced for details of their experiences. I thought about asking for another scan and increased monitoring and to postpone the induction for another week. I thought about asking for a c-section instead. I read as much as I could about inductions and the research surrounding the risks associated with reduced growth. I wanted to be as informed and educated on the subject as I could be.
Despite all my hypnobirthing practice leading up to this point, I found that this news and the threat of induction made me feel incredibly stressed. I’d been so calm, relaxed and excited about my forthcoming birth, but found myself waking early and fretting over what was to come. Having weighed up all my options, and confirmed with my midwife that I could still use the birthing pool and stay as active as possible in labour, I decided to proceed with the induction. I had preiously worked out my due date as being a week earlier than my official, hospital-given due date (baby had measured small at my 12 week scan, and I’d been told I was only 11 weeks along), so as far as I was concerned I was already almost 39 weeks and baby might come on his own before I was induced. I then set about doing everything I could to restore my confidence in my new, induced birth. I listened to the fear release script, letting go of my anxieties surrounding induction. I went for an amazing pregnancy massage, which helped to relax me. Every evening I had a lovely long soak in a lavender-oil infused birth. I bounced on my ball, did lots of squats, and set about getting all of baby’s things ready in anticipation.
By Monday, when I was due at the hospital, I was feeling really happy, although still a little anxious. On arrival at the hospital we were shown to our room. I got changed into some snuggly pjs and we had a cup of tea and biscuits. I was told that at 5pm I’d be given the first pessary, but that labour ward was incredibly busy so we might have to wait a while for any further interventions. I was happy about this, as the longer I had to wait, the more chance baby had to come by choice rather than force!
At 4:30pm the midwife came back to attach me to the monitor so that they could track baby’s behaviour before and after the pessary. Again, I had to lie on the bed for this, at quite an odd angle, which was a bit uncomfortable. The administering of the pessary was only slightly uncomfortable and while I waited for another 30 minutes of monitoring I listened to a Hypnobirthing track to keep me calm and relaxed – and to see if it could help my body release enough into labour! At about 6pm we decided to go and get some dinner, as there were no indications that anything had changed in my body. Back in our room we read books and played a board game – and my husband did a great job of keeping my spirits up with lots of jokes and humour! I knew that if nothing happened, he would have to leave at 9pm, which made me anxious. I was really enjoying his company and if the second pessary kick started my labour at 11pm would he get back in time to support me?
At 9pm, we said goodbye and I told him to make sure he got as much sleep as possible – and to listen out for his phone, just in case! I was still optimistic that the second pessary would be all I needed to go into labour. I watched a funny film on my kindle to distract me and at 10:30pm a new midwife arrived to monitor me again. The second pessary went in just after 11pm and seemed to start something – baby was very active, and I started feeling a few twinges. I started to feel excited – I’d have to call my husband back and this was it! But then it all seemed to die down again. The midwife asked me if I wanted any paracetamol as I could experience quite a bit of pain overnight, but I felt ok so declined (although worried that within a few hours it would really hurt, like she'd said it would!).
Due to the beeping machines and baby cries drifting down the corridor I didn’t get much sleep but in the morning I noticed that I had a bit of period-like cramp. My husband arrived back at 9:30am but as our toddler was suffering from a bad cold he hadn’t had much sleep either! The hospital bathroom had a huge bath in it, so I started the morning with a long soak using my lavender oil, and I played some nice relaxing music. It was bliss – and I started to feel a few light twinges, which again got me excited!
The midwife popped round to say that again, as labour ward was busy, they weren’t sure when I’d be taken down for the next stage of my induction. Without our toddler, it did feel a bit like a holiday. We read books and magazines, played games, had coffee together and a long walk. I walked up and down the stairs and did some squats to encourage labour, but by the afternoon the twinges had stopped. I also spent lots of time listening to my Hypnobirthing tracks, trying to stay as calm and relaxed as possible. I felt like it really helped. Every time I heard feet walking down the corridor I could feel myself tense a little bit. Was this it? Were they coming to take me down to labour ward? Eventually, at around 4pm they came to let me know that it was time. I sent a message to my mum, and with all my bags, went downstairs to our room.
It was strange being back there after having Alice in the same place! We were shown to a large room, and unpacked all the things I knew I’d want to have access to – my birthing ball, my Hypnobirthing tracks and headphones, my lavender oil and my night-dress. Our first midwife came to check in with me about what was going to happen, and to set me up for monitoring. I asked if I could have access to a birthing pool, and was told no. I explained that my community midwife has said it wouldn’t be a problem, and the reasons I got for not being able to use one seemed poor. I got the impression that because they were busy, and I’d been given a room without a pool or bath, it was going to be too tricky to arrange it for me. Sadly with my community midwife away on holiday in Cornwall, I couldn’t reach her to get her to support me. I decided that I could use other coping mechanisms and techniques to get through labour. I was disappointed not to get to use the pool, but I knew that even if I’d been “allowed” to use it, if they were busy there was no guarantee that I’d be able to have access to one anyway. Fortunately when I explained that, while I knew I’d need to be monitored during an induced birth, I wanted to have as active a birth as possible, the midwife was fully supportive of this.
I popped to the bathroom to get changed, and had a quick word with myself in the mirror – I could do this! Back in the delivery room I had a catheter tube inserted into my hand in preparation for the syntocinon drip and my waters were artificially broken. This wasn’t as bad or uncomfortable as I thought it would be, and the device used didn’t have a huge hook on it, as I’d imagined! I tried to relax as much as possible and focused on taking deep breaths. At this stage I was 3cm dilated. I was attached to a monitoring machine and a big screen, but managed to get into a comfortable position on my knees, with my head resting on the pillows and head-board (similar to the position I’d adopted in my labour with Alice). I put on my headphones and listened to my Hypnobirthing tracks. I had two hours until the drip would be administered, but nothing seemed to change and there was no indication of any contractions. After about half an hour I decided I’d rather have a gentle bounce on my ball. My midwife helped me into position, and put a sheet over the ball as I was leaking amniotic fluid everywhere (at one point she had to bring out a mop as a puddle of fluid was slowing running over to where all the expensive machines were sat!). I was feeling upbeat , relaxed and calm.
At 8pm, 2 hours after my waters had been broken, it was time for the drip. Two obstetricians arrived to check over how things had been progressing. I asked if there was any chance of waiting a little longer, but they explained they were keen to get my contractions started as soon as possible and didn’t want me to wait any longer. I consented to the drip. It was started at a low dosage and I was told that it would be increased every 30 minutes until I was having four contractions every ten minutes.
I spent the next four hours calmly bouncing on my ball, listening to my Hypnobirthing audio tracks, and breathing in lavender oil from my flannel. The contractions started soon after 8pm but were fairly gentle and irregular – by about 10pm they were coming every four minutes (still not as quickly as four every ten minutes, which was really frustrating! I’d get two in close succession and then a long gap until the next one, and I let like saying, “I’m not a robot! Maybe my body just can’t do four contractions in precisely ten minutes!"). Up until 12am I felt absolutely great and completely in control. And possibly even a little bit smug. We had the lights turned down low and in-between contractions I rocked gently on my ball, stopping to breathe through them when they started. I could feel them – they were powerful and intense but not painful. I hadn’t had paracetamol or gas and air – I was purely relying on Hypnobirthing techniques and I felt great. I had my headphones in, but my husband (who was sat reading his book for four hours in the corner of the room, glancing over every now and then to check I was ok) told me later that the midwife couldn’t believe how well I was doing – she’d never seen anything like it.
By 12am the contractions started to feel more intense, and I was beginning to feel tired and hungry. I’d tried to eat a few energy snacks and drink a healthy energy drink in between contractions, but was feeling a bit empty. The midwife noticed that baby’s heart-rate was starting to dip during contractions and asked if I could lie on the bed so that she could monitor me a little better for the next few contractions. I was reluctant as I felt so comfortable sat on my ball – I didn’t want to move! But I also wanted to make sure that baby was ok. My husband and midwife helped me up onto the bed. As the contractions were feeling more intense I asked for some gas and air. As the next one arrived I felt so glad I’d asked for the gas and air – lying down made the contractions feel 100 times more intense! I did everything I could to relax my body and breathe deeply, but changing my position to lying on the bed took the force of the contractions to a whole new level! I was really struggling! I was aware that I was biting down on the gas and air nozzle, which meant my jaw was tense. My husband tried to calm me down but I could feel myself starting to get hysterical every time a new contraction arrived. I was having to make a low guttural noise again, at the end of each contraction, which seemed to help. I felt like I was definitely getting close to needing to push. While I was lying down the midwife said that she’d check to see how things were progressing, as it had now been 4 hours since I’d been hooked up to the drip. This, by far, was the real low point of the night. She told me I was "just" 4cm dilated (and I’d been 3cm 6 hours ago!) and that she thought I'd have at least another 4 hour of labours to go.
At this point I was truly exhausted. I felt like I was barely managing to get through each contraction. And lying on the bed was awful! I had also been convinced that I was much further along than the midwife seemed to think I was. I started to feel incredibly hot. I lost it a little bit at this point and, having had a few puffs of gas and air, did get a little sweary according to my husband (woops!). I told the midwife I was going to need an epidural, because I needed a rest. Immediately both she and my husband tried to tell me how amazingly I’d done up until this point. I agreed – I knew I’d done really well, but that was when I’d been in an upright position where I felt more comfortable, and the contractions hadn’t been so strong. There was no way I could handle another four contractions lying on the bed, let alone another four hours of contractions! They both then tried to suggest a small dosage of diamorphine instead, but I just didn’t feel that that would give me the relief I needed. I felt like I wanted a complete break. The midwife told me that it would take 45 minutes to get an epidural, and I may have used a naughty word again!
The next contraction then hit, and I felt the unmistakable urge to push in my bottom. I was confused – surely there was no way I was at that stage yet? The midwife seemed to sense it to, and asked if I had felt a change. I responded with a hesitant yes, expecting her to tell me that it wasn’t time yet and I wasn’t ready to push, but instead she told me to embrace it and go with it, to get on my knees if I felt that would help. I was so relieved to be able to get up off the bed! And relieved to think that things were progressing as I’d instinctively felt they were. Perhaps the rise in temperature and my feelings that I couldn’t go on any longer were part of transition?
It felt so much better in an upright position, on my knees. The next two contractions came and I felt a really strong urge to push. I was still tired, and the midwife encouraged me to push harder as my efforts were a bit half-hearted. It was an incredible feeling – really powerful but no longer painful. I knew I was so close to meeting my baby. I had two contractions in this position and then, as baby’s heart-rate started to dip again, I was asked to get on my back, with my legs raised. I was slightly concerned that we’d have the same situation as with Alice, where her head got a bit stuck. The next contraction came and I pushed as hard as I could. I could feel baby’s head, then torso and then legs pop out and could then see his head! It was such an amazing moment! The relief too, was incredible. Four hours had turned into just over an hour (but had felt more like 20 minutes)! I was also so pleased that I hadn’t had to resort to taking any additional drugs. I would have taken them, as at that moment I knew that I needed some additional help to get me through the rest of my labour. But the fact that baby had surprised us all with a very sudden delivery was fantastic!
Wilfred Richard Matthew Hargrave, 6lb 14oz, arrived at 02:04am on Wednesday 12th September 2018.